Sometimes, you don’t need to stock your kitchen or buy a nice outfit. Sometimes, you just need to buy something that makes people ask why? Whether it’s a gag gift to throw someone off, or just a protest against reasonable thought, these are some awesome things to buy. We even try to provide a reason:
1. A cushion with an arm
When you’re curled up on a sofa watching Netflix, there’s only one thing that can improve the experience: an arm on your shoulder. Unfortunately, you need to go out and meet people to get that. This cushion is an easier solution: you can have an arm on your shoulder, without all that icky human interaction.
You want to have the benefits of company while also retaining the advantages of being alone.
2. The undead
To be precise, you can buy this Ghost Meter, which will help you locate the unquiet dead. We are not sure if it works. We tried testing it at a funeral but the only thing it found us was a black eye.
You have an impressionable friend, and you want to point it at the corner of their bedroom in the hours long past midnight. When they ask what it says, just look nervous and insist you need to leave right now.
3. Dead mosquitoes
All our customers agree that these are much better than live mosquitoes.
If you sprinkle these around your house, live mosquitoes will see the corpses and interpret it as a warning to leave you alone, according to a lie we just made up.
4. A portable butt crutch
Defy the laws of gravity with this handy sea…okay we can’t call it a seat because that’s misleading advertising. This portable, uh, butt crutch is actually quite clever and comfy. Just beware of “funny” friends who will kick it out from under you
You laugh, but it’s seriously great. If you are recovering from a sprained ankle or have gout or something, you’ll find this device a godsend.
5. A bowl with a phone holder
The problem with eating is that you sometimes need both hands. That could cost you as much as a shocking eight to 11 seconds away from your phone screen. Luckily, this life saving bowl is here to help.
You want to visibly demonstrate your mood for conversation at the dinner tonight.
6. These anti-cheating playing cards
If anyone can still hide an ace in their sleeve with this deck, they deserve to win.
You’re all really bad amateur poker players, and haven’t developed a poker face (just keep the cards raised in front of you).
7. The most menacing meat shredder you’ll ever see
In theory, these are devices to create pulled meats (like a pulled pork sandwich). In reality, we suspect they’re a clever way to circumvent restrictions on arms shipments.
You want to make pulled pork or beef sandwiches. This is much better than conventional tools, because it’s faster and there’s more power when you use your whole arm.
(We’re serious. Conventional kitchen devices require you to slowly slice the meat into strips, to make pulled meat. But try that for a kilo of beef, and your wrists will ache like you arm wrestled an orangutan).
8. This urinal football game
Get the men of the house (or the male customers in your store) to pee somewhere besides the floor. Anyone who can’t see the relation between entertainment and hygiene is probably bad at both.
You’re a big believer in the power of gamification.
9. A glowing toilet bowl seat
Sometimes, you need to go in the middle of the night. But you don’t want to turn on the toilet light and wake everyone. What’s the solution? Why, this glowing toilet bowl seat of course. Never find a questionably sticky puddle on the floor in the morning again.
You already have item #8 on this list, and want the ultimate combination in hygienic entertainment.
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